In order to realize fulfillment, we sometimes need to make critical decisions. We can gather information, seek out the advice of experts, reflect, but — ulitmately – it is our lives that are on the line and we must trust ourselves.

“You have to trust in something: your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.” – Steve Jobs

With all the snow and ice around us, I find many, including yours truly, feeling melancholy and out of sorts. For some, these symptoms unfortunately turn into depression. These individuals may be experiencing Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Exposure to sun lamps and tanning salons, increased dosages of Vitamin D, or a visit to their primary care physician may be in order.

 Fortunately, the snow will melt, the days will continue to become longer, and spring will emerge to comfort us. With those changes, we will regain our equilibrium. My friend, Dr. Nancy Mramor is developing a series How to Have the Happiest Year of Your Life. She has graciously asked me to contribute to the series. I have written an article that speaks to how introverts and extraverts develop social contacts and how that may impact their emotional well being. Dr. Mramor will be publishing an E-zine to which many people will contribute content. Stay tuned for more information.

“Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small things, but not you. Let others cry over small hurts but not you. Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands, but not you.” — Jim Rohn

When I begin work with a client I focus on helping him or her create a vibrant and robust vision of their life and career. A fundamental question I ask is “What would your life and career look like if you knew you could not fail? I ask them to picture themselves floating on the Great Salt Lake of Utah, where the salt density is so high they literally cannot drown. I ask them to imagine that not only can they not drown, they cannot fail. In addition, I ask them to envision the body of water filled with unlimited possibilities for their life. I ask them to give themselves permission to dream. During this exercise, which may be practiced for many weeks during our work together, no wish, no thought, no idea, no plan is too wild and crazy, too implausible.

I ask them to beware of their Inner Critic emerging from the closet of their minds and criticising them with comments such as “You’re too young, too old, you lack skills, you don’t have the courage, you’ll never change.” In my experience, in my own life and while working with my clients, I don’t see the Inner Critic as some demon, but rather as an aspect of our ego which is actually trying to protect us from stepping into the unknown and taking risks that are frightening to the child within us. It’s human to experience such thoughts and feelings, but it’s not fruitful to allow them to keep us imprisoned in our conditioning.

Growth requires change and taking some risks. We are entering the unkown. We cannot design and take charge of our lives without accepting our feelings and yet doing what needs to be done to experience fulfillment. Are you listening to your Inner Critic? Are you overwhelmed by your Inner Critic? Are you able to be with your fears and resistance and yet design and manifest a life of meaning and fulfillment?

I am currently writing an article for Dr. Nancy Mramor. Nancy is working with various colleagues to develop a series How to Have The Happiest Year of Your Life. Nancy says, “My intention today is to discuss how social connections bring happiness and how to know how much is too much.” I am honored that Nancy has asked me to participate in this most intriguing dialogue.

While working on the article, I wondered what  you, visitors to my site, have to say about happiness and fulfillment. I’m enlisting you to describe what happiness and fulfillment mean to you. What is happiness? What is fulfillment? Are they the same, similar or different? Please check in and share your views with me.

In an earlier post, I referenced four basic world views from Joanna Macy’s World as Lover, World as Self. They were The World as Battlefield, The World as Trap, The World as Lover and The World as Self. Each of us perceives the world through the prism of our own conditioning. Depending on where we find ourselves in our lives, we may move  back and forth through any and all of these world views. What if we could let go of our conditioning — if only for a moment — and see the world just as it is. Is it possible to take off the glasses of our conditioning and see the true reality unburdened by the emotional baggage we carry with us throughout our lives?

This question emerges from within all of the earth’s great spiritual traditions. Of course we might also ponder that great philosopher Peggy Lee, when she asked, “Is that all there is?” We are constantly searching for meaning and fulfillment in our lives, whether we acknowledge it or not. In the Zen tradition, teachers pose many questions to their students.

If you are wrestling with Peggy’s question or any other, for that matter, you may want to attend a lecture by my teacher, Janet Jiryu Abels, on “What is Zen?” To be sure, the word “zen” is attached to everything from golf to interior design to yoga. For all I know there may well be a Nose-Picker’s Guide to Zen Enlightenment.  This event focuses on the real deal. A true teacher,  Janet will  manifest the nature of Zen practice in her lecture and provide an orientation to zazen, the core discipline of that practice. “What is Zen?” will be offered at 7:00 pm Thursday, March 25th at the Chatham Village Clubhouse on Mt. Washington. To register or for more information, please contact me here or visit www.plumblossomzendo.org.

“The most important things are the hardest to say, because words diminish them” — Stephen King

The news of the devastation in Haiti saturates our print and electronic media. The immensity of nature’s destruction in this poor country at once fascinates and appalls us. Fortunately it also draws forth our compassion. Above all, what is needed is our action. 

The effort of  the world’s relief organizations, medical assistance and relief workers has been stymied by the descruction of what little infrastructure Haiti had to begin with. Some of the barriers, however, have been overcome and food, medicine and other resources are getting through.  Much more is needed.

Not many of us can go to the source and help. However, we can choose to donate what we can to aid those who have suffered and lost so much. Here is a partial listing of organizations that are providing aid:

• Action Against Hunger 877-777-1420
• American Friends Service Committee 215-241-7000
• American Red Cross 800-733-2767
• Care 800-521-2273
• American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee 212-687-6200
• Catholic Relief Services 800-736-3467
• Doctors Without Borders 888-392-0392
• Oxfam America 800-776-9326

A far more complete listing can be found on today’s New York Times online edition.

When we give, we touch the lives of others. When we reflect deeply on the suffering of others, we give energy to the source of our love and compassion. We intuitively understand we are one with all sentient beings. Please give.

I’ve been suggesting you explore various body practices that allow the egoic mind to still while the body shares a wisdom that goes beyond intellectual understanding. In one previous post, I suggested you try a very simple breath meditation. Today I want to discuss focusing, a way of coming home to yourself.

Focusing was originally developed by Eugene Gendlin at the University of Chicago. On one level, focusing helps people resolve human conflicts and get in touch with their own inner direction. On a deeper level, focusing becomes a form of spiritual meditation that helps people discover their own form of self-transcendence.

Focusing is best practiced initially with a partner who has been trained in the focusing process. The subject sits in a comfortable chair with her eyes closed. The partner becomes a mirror for the subject engaged with focusing. Focusing sessions generally last for 20 - 25 minutes. Each session begins with the subject choosing some “thing” that is preventing him/her from feeling “really free, alive and at the top of your game.” If nothing jumps to mind, the subject is encouraged to take an inventory and then choose the topic or issue that is most prominent. It’s interesting to note that the subject does not have to reveal the theme, topic or issue.

The partner initiates the focusing dynamic by asking where and how the subject feels the topic in her body. The subject responds in various possible ways: “I feel a tightening in my stomach.” “My throat feels dry.” “I feel a warmth around my heart.” The partner asks if the subject wishes to “stay with” the sensation, perhaps putting her hand over the part of the body where the sensation is being experienced. Throughout the session, the subject is always free to opt out (”I don’t want to stay with this.”) at any point. The overwhelming majority of subjects opt to stay with the topic.

The session continues as the “felt sense” moves throughout the body, emerging as a physical sensation, a visualization, a thought, a memory. The subject tells her partner how the topic feels and the partner repeats her exact words back to her, asking for further clarification if she has not given the exact words as voiced by the subject. At some point, the subject decides that there is nothing more to be explored and that it’s a good time to stop.

At this point, the partner asks the subject to trace her steps from the time she first took up the issue to when she decided to stop. The subject complies. Often, but not always, the subject experiences a felt shift within the body. Someone who complained of pain or discomfort, for example, might find that the pain has decreased or stopped entirely. If the subject had been diagnosed with chronic pain and felt herself a victim or punished by God for some sin, perhaps she might still feel some pain but with the sense of victimhood now taken away.

No amount of description can truly capture the body wisdom of the focusing process. It can only be appreciated by experiencing it for one’s self. Feel free to contact me if you would like to experience the power of focusing.

Eastern wisdom highlights the power of breathing for physical and emotional well being.  Eastern martial arts masters focus on abdominal breathing as a way to focus energy in the lower adominal region known variously as the tanden or hara. Many forms of meditation focus on the breath. Some traditions encourage the practitioner to manipulate the breath in some way. Other traditions simply ask the meditator to “be with” the breath.

With the frenetic pace and chaos of modern life, more and more people are turning to meditation in an effort to bring more peace and tranquility into their lives. In my work as a chaplain and a career coach, I frequently teach hospice volunteers and career clients a very simple form of breath meditation. It does not require any special posture. They may choose to use a round cushion, a bench or a chair.

Space does not allow for comprehensive discussion, but here are a few basic points to keep in mind:

• Select a place in your home where you will be undisturbed.
• Select a time where you can spend at least 10 minutes alone. You may choose early morning before you begin your daily routine, or in the evening after dinner or before bedtime. Try to maintain a consistent schedule.
• Use a timer of some sort so you will not have to look at your watch or clock.
• Sit erect yet relaxed; tuck your chin in and lengthen the back; let your eyes fall naturally toward the floor or a wall at a 45 degree angle.
• Place your hands, palm down, on your thighs.
• Place your attention on a space about three fingers below your navel; picture a balloon within your lower abdomen.
• With each inhalation, allow the balloon to fill with air; with each exhalation, allow the balloon to deflate.
• Concentrate completely on your breath.
• Whenever you notice a thought or feeling has captured your attention, let it go and bring yourself back to your breath, your posture, the present moment.

I’d like you to conduct a two month experiment. Try this simple practice for 60 days. Try to meditate at least 5 days each week. Important note: Do not expect to “gain” anything from this simple practice. Just do it!

At the end of your experiment, email me and give me your reactions.